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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {